Cocaine Heart
by Napoli Corleone
Summary: Four people learned to love, be loved and betray for the sake of the passionate emotion. In the words of Friedrich Nietzsche, "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One:**

_An arrow to the heart and a bullet to the head_

**.**

Today was supposed to be just another day; another day for Lovino Vargas to live and forget. However something happened. The change from the monotonous daily routine, the jolt of a new stimulus awakened something within the young man.

He was no longer that horny sixteen year-old; he was a young adult, 21 years old to be exact, who was seeking a relationship that lasts beyond bedroom encounters. Despite his desire to be committed in a long term relationship, Lovino was wary with the intentions of a certain Mister Francis Bonnefoy.

"What are you planning Bonnefoy?" Lovino asked with his voice on the edge.

"Lovino, you can call me Francis. What I said is true. I truly admire you. You are feisty individual filled with -"

"Just stop. I don't have any fucking intention to listen to your tirade of words." Lovino raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

This was a great surprise for Lovino: the sudden declaration of admiration from Francis Bonnefoy. For one, they only knew each other by face. Francis is was a year older than him and was in the Master's program while he was in his last year for his baccalaureate degree. Another reason of his shock was the rumor that Francis Bonnefoy was a skirt chaser.

He didn't have the right to chastise the other man since he too had his fair share of lovers both in and out of his bed.

However he swore that he was going to be a changed man.

"You aren't dating anyone _dear_. I am also single right now. I think that we will be a perfect couple." Francis flashed a very genial smile and Lovino's heart beat quite fast when he saw piercing blue eyes boring into his own eyes.

Lovino was flustered and his face was quite red by the time he shoved Francis away. His chest tightened; he felt like he was about to have an asthma attack.

"F-Fine you damn bastard. But just for a month. I will be leaving France after graduation." Lovino replied. He wanted to convince himself that he must not _fall hard_ for this man.

Gender was never an issue for Lovino. Love was love; everything else was irrelevant.

**.**

Francis Bonnefoy always admired beauty. What is considered to be beautiful varies from person to person. To the Frenchman, there was currently one man whom he deems to be the most beautiful of all. This person was Lovino Vargas.

Francis could still remember the first time he met the Italian. It was during his graduation ceremony a year ago. The trees were swaying gently to the rhythm of the wind. Gently, the leaves fell down. Lovino stood underneath a tree and his eyes were fixated on the other man's figure.

Apparently Lovino was Antonio's cousin.

For Francis, this made knowing Lovino easier because Antonio was his best friend; one of his best friends. It also happened that Lovino's younger brother, Feliciano was acquainted with his other best friend, Gilbert through Ludwig (Gilbert's adoptive younger brother).

While the Frenchman connected the dots with his and Lovino's social circle, it was impossible that they have never met before. Through their network of friends, they should have met a long time ago. However the impossible became possible.

Francis first approached Feliciano who very amicable. Casually, the older of the two asked about Lovino.

"Ve~ My brother always keeps to himself. I always invite him to social gatherings but he always says that he has something to do. I am happy that he decided to come with us to celebrate Big Brother Toni's graduation." Feliciano explained. At times his eyebrows would scrunch but it was only for split seconds. It was soon replaced with smiles.

"Oh. It seems like Lovino is a social hermit."

"Yes but he is a good person. I think he has not gotten over with his last relationship." Feliciano's eyes then dilated as if he said something that he shouldn't have.

In Francis' perspective, the last bit of information was very helpful in gauging his chances with Lovino. If what Feliciano says is true then it would be inappropriate for him to barge in the life of the older Vargas brother.

"That's just my observation. From what I know, that was Lovino's longest relationship ever."

The conversation between the two shifted to their academic plans. It was very easy for Francis to talk with Feliciano because both of them were taking up the same major: mass communication.

Since at a young age, Francis knew he has a gift with words. It was easy for him to express himself. He polished his English to perfection. He could even speak the language without any hint of his French descent. However he could also speak an accented tone if needed be. Somehow, most of the ladies enjoyed if he spoke in that way.

On the other hand, approaching Lovino would be more difficult because the Italian was a major within the Engineering College. Gilbert and Ludwig were there. However, according to Feliciano, his older brother was not fond of the German siblings.

Anyhow, Francis just watched Lovino from the sidelines. He enjoyed watching the minute shifts of facial expression as well as the colorful language he uses. Another reason that he loves looking at Lovino's features was those soulful hazel eyes and rich brown hair.

He would trade his soul right then and there just to have Lovino underneath him. He would let his fingers run through the other's hair. Kiss those lips passionately. Slowly -

Francis stopped his thoughts from advancing. He really might not be able to control himself if he continues.

Instead of taking a full-time job that was offered to him, Francis decided to be a weekly columnist at one of the local newspapers. He was also an occasional contributor to one of the country's leading newspaper publications.

A day after graduation, Francis decided to take a Master's degree so that he could stay in the university just a little bit longer.

Francis didn't regret his decision one bit. He befriended someone from the University Registrar's Office who had know-how on the student's schedules. He didn't print the schedule of Lovino. That would be too stalker-ish for Francis' tastes. Instead he took note of some liberal arts subjects that Lovino took and he purposely enrolled to the same subject.

For one whole school year, Francis was the distant classmate of Lovino. He tried to make opportunities wherein they would become partners or group mates to class projects or assignments. However this never happened.

During his first time meeting Lovino, he thought that it was predestined that he saw the other man. At how their social circle was actually very _intimate_.

Right now, he was losing that confidence.

But something boosted it back. It was a final project for their Theater class and

"_Oh my beloved… come and take a look at me. Let myself be reflected on your eyes._" Francis looked at Lovino squarely. His lines for that particular scene were a _reflection_ of his desires. It was what he wanted Lovino to hear. He deeply hopes that his message will get across.

Somehow his prayers were answered by the end of the entire show. Lovino approached him and whispered, "That was an amazing… performance. Congrats."

Despite the brevity of the compliment, Francis was soaring on cloud-nine. It was probably one of the best that he heard. He was _very happy_.

Being in love with Lovino made every day feel like a ride. It brings him to the highest of the high and the lowest of the low.

It was inexplicable in one.

Sometimes Francis thinks to himself that he may be romanticizing everything. Perhaps it wasn't only Lovino's beauty that he was attracted to. Perhaps it was because Lovino would not fall for his charms and that fueled his attraction to the brunet.

Then one day, Francis braced himself; swallowed his self-doubts and armored himself with the confidence he always has.

"_You aren't dating anyone dear. I am also single right now. I think that we will be a perfect couple." _Francis moved his face closer to Lovino. He searched through those hazel eyes for any sign of apprehension. The Frenchman inwardly smiled. This person before him was different; somehow, Lovino changed and he didn't even know it. That lifeless youth he met more than a year ago was gone.

Francis was forcefully pushed away. He could see that the other man was embarrassed (?) and… blushing.

"_F-Fine you damn bastard. But just for a month. I will be leaving France after graduation."_

The reply was sufficient for Francis. It was a challenge issued to him and one that he will gladly surmount. He will make Lovino retract his words. He will make Lovino want to stay here in France. He will make Lovino love him beyond their time here in Earth.

**.**

_**Both men took the bait of passionate desire.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

_A cup of sweet tea and a mug of bitter coffee for the lovers_

_Arthur Kirkland arched his body._

This was one of the best sensations that he ever experienced. He was engulfing someone else's manhood. His muscles were clamping in rhythm. He also rolled his hips, trying to grind his body to the man beneath him.

The ecstasy he experienced was in its rawest form.

In the midst of their lovemaking, both Arthur's lips and his partners locked to each other.

Moist cavern to moist cavern; their tongues were dancing to an invisible tune. Neither man sought to dominate the other. Body heat transferring from one to the other; both of them were touching each other in places that felt good.

Pleasure was the only emotion coursing through their bodies. Their bodies were in perfect synchrony.

"_L-Lovino-!"_ Arthur said in between his gasps. He was almost reaching his climax. He could feel every part of his body tensing.

The blond haired youth did not notice the slight frown of the man beneath him. Arthur after all did not whisper the name of his partner. Even so, their throes of passion did not stop.

Arthur was pushed downwards, reversing their positions. The bright green eyes of the Brit were clouded with lust. His cheeks were tinge with red.

_Arthur arched his back._

When both men were finished, covered in sweat and their mouths slightly opened, Arthur tried to move away to get a smoke.

"Artú, Arthur." The brunet whispered the Englishman's name in Italian and in his given English name. This sent a shiver down Arthur spine. His need to smoke was forgotten.

**.**

Feliciano Vargas liked to roam around the campus. He never liked staying cooped inside a room. There was so much in the world to explore!

During one of his mini-excursions, he encountered Arthur Kirkland. Back then, Feliciano did not know yet the name of the other person. It was a fine Thursday morning and the sun was blazing. The water in the pool was glistening and the blond was swimming gracefully across it.

Feliciano's heart beat began to rise. He was in relationships before but he never felt something like this. His eyes were only fixed on the movement of the other man. The way how those arms pedaled itself against the water, the tightness of the muscles… Feliciano's mouth went dry. He took a gulp and slowly walked to one of the benches. He made sure that he didn't look like a stalker.

For the next week, he would take a seat on one of the benches and just watch the blond swimmer. It became his favorite past time.

It took a whole month before Feliciano had the courage to talk to Arthur. Normally, he wouldn't be fumbling with his words but he was. Arthur always stirred something inside the Italian that he could not name. Maybe he was truly in love. It was a good feeling.

However nothing good can happen to someone who is blinded with love.

Feliciano cried the night after he talked his heart out to Arthur. He lied on his bed with his forearm covering his eyes. Both of them were in love but not to each other. Apparently the Brit was in love his older brother. Said older brother was currently in a relationship with Francis Bonnefoy who was a childhood friend of Arthur.

His chest hurt so much. He never experienced something like this before.

He wanted to pull his hair out; he wanted to bang his head on a wall; he wanted to shoot a bullet to his head.

Despite the turmoil he was feeling, Feliciano didn't do anything harmful to himself. He only cried himself the whole night. He skipped school the following day and the days after that. For a whole week, he feigned sickness. He wasn't exactly feigning; he was sick but not physically. His pain was rooted to an emotional one.

During that time, Feliciano was thankful that he never saw Lovino. He wasn't sure what he would do if he saw his older brother.

It was unfair.

The world was unfair.

Maybe it was his punishment for being whimsical with his previous relationships. However, he never hurt them. They were all amicable with each other; he was relatively friends with his exes.

"Feliciano, the old man wants to see you. By the way, how are you feeling?"

"Good. I'll go to Grandpa after my assignment." Feliciano gritted his teeth.

"Okay. Take care of your health. It would be bad if you had anymore absences. School's almost over; get sick afterwards."

"… Sure."

Feliciano was happy that his brother left the vicinity. He was mad at Lovino but he realized that he could never do something horrible to the other person. At the end of the day, they were brothers and if their grandfather dies, it will only be the two of them left. If their lovers would leave them, they still had each other.

In the end, Feliciano had to learn to forget and forgive.

But that's bullshit.

The young Italian's resolution strengthened. He won't give up on Arthur Kirkland. Especially now, that Lovino was returning to Italy. His older brother decided to work at their father's former firm.

A plan began to formulate inside the mind of Feliciano Vargas.

Love was a dangerous game to play. The risks were high.

**.**

Feliciano could not believe the reply of Arthur. He was in euphoria.

The young man subtly suggested that the two of them should date since neither of them was dating anyone and _maybe _Arthur could get over his crush on Lovino.

_It was mostly due to the latter insinuation that Arthur agreed…_ is what Feliciano thinks.

It hardly matter right now to Feliciano. After three dates and several casual conversations, both he and Arthur were tangled in each other's bodies.

He dated other people and at some point, even had sex with them but it was never like this.

"Artú, Arthur." The brunet whispered the other's name in Italian and in his given English name.

They were both sweaty and bounded tightly to each other's embrace; the amber-eyed youth was enjoying the ecstasy rousing in his body. The man who was now underneath him also felt the same; the peridot eyes were clouded with lust and ecstasy.

The conclusion that Feliciano came up was, '_This was no quick fuck. It was raw sex with unfiltered, un-romanticized emotions.'_

When they have finished their passionate tryst, Feliciano was watching the sleeping figure of Arthur. Gently, he touched the blond hair of his partner. There was certain possessiveness at how his finger slightly curled. As much as he wanted to possess the other man, not only in body but also in heart, it was not possible. It cannot be.

"Ti amo, Artú." The Italian kissed the Brit's forehead before he too, sank into sleep.

**.**

Amidst their sleep, both unconsciously hugged each other. They were both in love but their affections were not reciprocated. Their love was directed to different individuals.

When morning came, the illusion wore off and they were brought back to their reality.

**.**

Feliciano woke up first and since he didn't have any clothes in Arthur's house, he wore the same clothes as yesterday. A bitter smile appeared on his lips.

Last night was a proof that he and Lovino were _very different _persons. Although the people surrounding them always pointed it out, Feliciano have never acknowledge it. Until now that is.

He was different from his brother whom men and women swoon over him. People fawn over him because he was _cute_ not alluring. Lovino Vargas was the alluring one. He had a certain atmosphere around him that pulled people to him despite the crude behavior.

Feliciano shrugged off his thoughts. He took one last glance at Arthur before heading to the kitchen. According to the rumors, Arthur was… has a difficulty in cooking. Francis told him that the food he, Arthur, makes was either burnt or bland. Feliciano was very confident with his culinary skills and decided to prepare a simple yet scrumptious breakfast.

Feliciano was not yet finished when Arthur woke-up. The Brit was entering the kitchen half-dressed and offering to help.

Feliciano's rationality was losing grip. He would rather drop everything that he was doing right now and _eat_ Arthur. However that would be bad. It would be overstepping.

"Good morning."

"Good morning."

Both students fell to a comfortable silence.

The sound of sizzling frying pan and buzz of the toaster filled the lack of exchange of words. There was also the soft hum of the coffee brewer. The domestic atmosphere gave Feliciano a warm feeling. Somehow he wished that this would continue for a little longer. However, he would have to forget that this ever happened because after today it would be one month already since they got together. Feliciano proposed that they should go out for a month and see if Arthur's feelings would change. Last night proved that the Brit was very much in love with the older Vargas.

"Do you want coffee, juice or tea?" Arthur asked as he prepared their possible refreshments.

"Um, coffee please." Feliciano replied.

Another silence filled the room.

It was broken by Arthur who just turned off the whistling kettle. Feliciano also just turned off the stove and placed their meal on the dining table. The toaster made a _ping _as two slices rose up. Arthur was pouring the coffee in Feliciano's mug and he followed pouring his own tea to his cup.

When both students have sat, they slowly ate the food in front of them. Once in a while, they would talk to each other. Then the most awkward topic came to surface.

"Wanker, I'm sorry about... what happened the previous night..."

"I should be the one apologizing, for well, being rough." Feliciano demurely said. Last night was his first time doing it with another man and he was the "top." '_Being inside Arthur felt good and I couldn't stop myself._' Feliciano thought and blushed.

"Uh, well..." Arthur was at a loss with what to reply. "Well let's finish. We would be late for class if we linger longer."

"Hey Arthur..." Feliciano didn't know how to bring up their agreement.

"Yes?" Arthur replied and watched the amber eyes of the Italian.

"Let's meet this afternoon."

"It's fine with me but I still have a student council meeting this afternoon."

"I'll wait when you're done."

Feliciano's heart was beating loudly. This was the moment he dreaded because the magic spell will finally break. The fabricated life they wove will be cut and they would have to taste the bitterness of loving unrequitedly.

**.**

**What is the truth but lies agreed upon?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

"_That which is done out of love is always beyond good and evil." _ \- Friedrich Nietzsche

This was dangerous. Their bodies were hot and there was no stopping them. They were in a feverish pitch.

"We must be sick somewhere."

"Maybe we are sick in the head?"

Lovino's eyes were barely open as Francis continued thrusting into him. This was supposed to be a sensual experience yet Lovino could only feel emptiness. He could not get it out of his head that the man before him is not truly in love with but only with the idea of being in love.

Lovino may not have a poetic soul but this was but this is how he sees his current situation. It was pitiable and it pisses the hell out of him.

However he didn't have the luxury of thinking any more. His body sank deeper on the mattress. He was about to orgasm and so was Francis. This short-lived ecstasy was one of the best highs in the world.

'_No wonder people like to have quick fucks and the more intimate so-called lovemaking._'

"Lovino."

The Italian shivered at how the Frenchman whispered his name. The damned frog was making him love _him_. Lovino originally agreed to be in a relationship with Francis because he knew that it won't last _long_.

He always told himself that being with Francis meant short lived affairs.

However their relationship lasted for one year.

Lovino was shocked at the adamant nature of Francis even after he tried to break off the relationship.

**.**

"Come on now Lovino. Please stop being unreasonable."

Six months.

They have lasted this long.

Francis was not letting their relationship go even if Lovino Vargas puts a gun to his head.

"Francis… this won't work out. I am here in Italy and you are in France. Constantly travelling here to Rome is not helping either of us. You… you're not really **in love** with me. You just **love the idea** of being in love."

The call ended before Francis could give his reply. This was unacceptable.

"Why can't he see… that I am truly in love with him?!" Francis exclaimed in anger.

He packed some of his belongings and set out to the next flight to Rome. A few days absences won't be a big deal. However all he knew about Lovino was that he was living in Rome. Other than that, he had no idea where to exactly pinpoint the other. The blockhead doesn't even have any social media accounts.

'_Maybe I should ask Feliciano._'

It was easier to talk to Feliciano unlike his grouchy older brother. However Francis would never trade Lovino for the younger brother.

It just hit him then and there that he was very much in love with the other.

Anyhow, Francis has one task right now and that is to make sure Lovino will not break off their relationship.

After three days of stalking in front of the Vargas Jewelry shop and an earful of scolding from the Grandfather, Francis was finally able to have a conversation with Lovino Vargas. It was the first time that Francis saw Lovino after the younger man's graduation. Both men were talking at a café across the street. Apparently, this was also part of the family's business.

"Fuck you beard. My grandfather was yelling at me why there was someone always standing in front of the shop." Francis only smiled at how his boyfriend was ranting. "The women were always talking about **you**. Even the people here and they were no longer _that _productive."

"So, you are jealous with the women who are openly expressing their admiration for _me_?" Francis replied coyly. He loved their verbal games.

"Fuck no. You know what this isn't going anywhere. I am going home."

The blond haired man took hold of the other's wrist before he could leave the table. "Please Lovino, we need to talk."

This got the other to sit back down.

"I know that you think that I don't love you but I really do. I swear that I do." Francis voice was filled with plea. His azure eyes were making a direct gaze towards Lovino's hazel ones. Idly, he thought that he could spend a whole day just looking into them. "I… I really don't know how to prove it to you."

There was a great silence between them. It was difficult for Francis not to express his exasperation.

"Frog… Francis. I, fuck this. I don't even know what I want in this relationship. I don't see the benefit of us dating. I can barely leave the city because of my work. I, I doubt that a long distance relationship will work."

"Don't you have faith in me?"

"…"

Francis looked outside of the window. According to Feliciano, their family owns three businesses: a jewelry store, a café and a majority shares owner of a winery. Basically, the man before him was like a prince charming that is everything but charming.

However, Francis sees a certain allure to Lovino. It baffled him at first why the other didn't have a partner before him. According to Feliciano, most of his older brother's relationships never reached the point of intimacy.

"_Well, Lovino doesn't really talk about his relationships. So, I don't really know._"

Francis was just assuming but maybe he was the first person who has the longest relationship with Lovino. This is making the other troubled.

"Why don't we take this relationship slowly?" Lovino quietly said. "…"

Francis curtly nodded. "_Maybe I did come on too strong to the other?"_

Two days later, Francis returned to France. He and Lovino were able to part amicably. Francis promised to visit at least once a month and Lovino on the other hand would be going to France by the end of the semester to visit Feliciano.

"_I'll try to go to Paris frog. I'm not making any promises. Maybe once I finish my first commissioned project. Stop grinning you damned bastard!_"

Maybe amicable is a stretch. The good thing is that they were able to work out their relationship.

**.**

"You're awake, Lovino."

"Yeah."

The day after tomorrow was Feliciano's graduation. It took some convincing on Lovino's part to travel ahead than his grandfather.

"_I'm visiting an old college friend._"

His grandfather hasn't caught on about his new relationship. If the old man did know, then he was doing a fine job of ignoring it. Not that his opinion really matters.

"Would you like some breakfast?"

"Yeah…"

Lovino watched as Francis leaves the bedroom. He was sprawled on the bed and he didn't feel like moving right now. Contrary to Lovino's mental image of Francis, the blondie was living a relatively plain lifestyle. He always thought that Francis would be living at a penthouse, with grandiose ornaments or something along those lines.

The only flamboyant aspect of Francis Bonnefoy was his personality.

"Lovino, would you like your coffee with cream and sugar?" Francis shouted from the kitchen.

"NO!" Lovino replied with equal loudness.

The residence of Francis Bonnefoy was only a short walk to the university. It was a flat with one bedroom, joint living, dining and kitchen. The nice part of the place was that it had a small balcony with a good view over the city.

By the time Lovino was out of the bed, breakfast was already prepared on the dining table.

"What time is the graduation of Feliciano?"

"Are you an idiot? You are also graduating today." Lovino raised an eyebrow to the other man.

"Well, you seem very quiet right now. It is weird."

"I'm not a morning person Francis. I don't like waking up before 10."

Lovino watched Francis as the other laughed. In retrospect his relationship wasn't terrible.

There was just a nagging feeling that his relationship wouldn't last long. Lovino was only protecting himself from getting hurt later on.

_There was nothing wrong with being on guard right?_

"I'll see you after the ceremony." Lovino said as he left the house. It was lunch time and his grandfather would be here in the city right now. It would be difficult to make explanations to the old man if he was not going to be with his family right now. It was annoying; he was no longer a prepubescent boy who took drugs. He cleaned up his act a long time ago damn it!

"Lovino how was your friend?"

"He's doing fine. He is also graduating today."

"Oh, you went to visit Francis?"

"Yes."

"Do you know him Feliciano?"

"Yes, he also goes to the same department as me. Francis is currently in the master's degree program."

Lunch between the Vargas men always had curt conversations in-between the shifts of the meal's courses. Everyone in the table needed to say something; however it was mostly Feliciano doing the talking and Lovino would input once in a while. The older brother was also more cautious with his language during their interactions.

The rest of the day was dull; waiting for the graduation ceremony to end was just as worse as waiting for it to begin. Lovino wondered how he survived his own graduation ceremony. Then a blush began to appear on his cheeks.

_Fuck_.

The young Italian was a red-blooded male and so was his lover. He remembered how Francis was incessantly touching him and how he was almost late for the ceremony.

"Are you alright Lovino? Your face looks red."

"I'm fine _Nonno_; it's just the heat."

"Hm, okay."

The two then fell to another silence. Lovino was thankful when the mind-numbing ceremony was finally over. After some pictures and congratulatory remarks, the Vargas family left the university grounds. There wasn't a lot to say during the ride back to the hotel the family was currently living at. Feliciano was already finished with packing his belongings and would be travelling back to Italy. According to Lovino, it will be in a few days. For the meantime, the brothers were whiling away the days roaming around Paris. Their grandfather has left to take care of urgent business matters.

Just a day before returning to Italy, the both of them were making last minute shopping.

"So, how are you and Francis?" Feliciano asked.

Lovino almost sputtered his coffee. It was rare for his younger brother to ask about his relationships.

"It's… We're fine. I don't really know." Lovino replied after calming his initial surprise.

"Hm."

"What are your plans once we return to Italy?" Lovino immediately asked. He didn't want Feliciano to be prying in his life. They were already old enough to live separate lives; Feliciano should really just stop being _clingy_ to him.

"Look for a job?" The younger brother replied uncertainly and laughed. "I'm not yet so sure."

The rest of their day was filled with chatter and the passenger seat of the car they rented was filled with shopping bags. It was as if they have drained their life savings to buy this and that. Instead of taking the quickest route back to Italy, the brothers decided to have a road trip.

However Lovino did not foresee that something terrible could happen. Neither did Feliciano. They checked the car for any potential problems before embarking their trip. Even with all the precautions, an unprecedented accident happened.

**.**

A lonely tune played on the speakers as the car crashed. Lovino who did not buckle his seat belt was forced by the momentum of the impact to crash on the windshield. The older brother's body was covered with cuts caused by the glass. On the other hand, Feliciano was saved by his seat belt and the airbag that popped.

**.**

"_Can you blame me for hating my brother?!" Feliciano's eyes were filled with hatred and the young man was only seeing red. "But I still love my brother because… he is my one and only brother."_

These were the last thoughts of Feliciano before the car they were riding swiveled from the main road.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

_When the SUN is just another STAR of the universe_

Francis watched Lovino's disinterested face. For the past days, the Italian always popped the question, "Hey Francis, did we really _love _each other then?"

_The Frenchman was just thankful that his boyfriend was spending time with him._

As much as he likes to think like this, it was not possible. The question that is consistently in his mind was the last one he heard from Lovino. Francis feels that the ghost of his boyfriend was hanging around him. He feels that if he doesn't give a satisfactory reply, he would be chaining Lovino to this Earth forever.

As what he heard, Lovino Vargas died three months ago in a car accident while Feliciano Vargas is still in coma.

Since the accident, Francis has not shown himself to the Vargas family. The last time he took a glimpse of Lovino was before the casket was lowered to the ground. A weight was lifted off the blue-eyed French as he saw a peaceful visage of the Italian.

After the funeral, Francis drowned himself with booze. It was impossible to do anything for the following days. He alternated between screaming and drinking. His friends, Gilbert and Antonio, tried to be there for him. If they weren't there, he wasn't sure what he would have done.

It took a month for Francis before he could fully accept that Lovino was no longer there.

"_Wanker, just let him go already. He is no longer here."_

At some point, Francis and Arthur met up. The two of them grew up on the same neighborhood from elementary to middle school. Then the two went again to the same college. Despite the blank years during high school, the two of them were sort-of good friends. They never tried to say otherwise what they meant; it was probably one of Francis' most honest relationships.

Right now, it took everything for Francis to even walk through the streets of Rome. In the distance, he could hear the strong pounding of the lower keys of the piano which is accompanied by the light, agile presses if the higher notes. For Francis, the song depicted a maelstrom; an inner war that is trying to express itself through music.

'_I'm not a musician beard bastard but I know that a melody will always transcend words._'

Francis walked closer to the source of the music and it was an open-air café. There were two people who were by the piano and for a short moment, he listened to the conversation.

"Hey, that was amazing! Will you play that in your recital?"

"Maybe… I'm not yet sure. I still need more practice. I missed some notes near the end and -"

"Stop with that sorry assed self-depreciation. Come on, whatever you chose will be on me!"

Francis just smiled at the friendly banter between the two strangers. On the surface, they looked like an ill-fitted pair of friends. Deep down, though, they knew one another well enough; supported each other. That was Francis saw it anyway. When the duo was no longer in sight, the Frenchman walked away from place. He knew how to get to the cemetery but he was purposely delaying his arrival there. It would have taken him less than 10 minutes if he takes a taxi.

The sun was setting across the horizon when the Frenchman finally reached the grave of Lovino Vargas. It was well-maintained and the smell of chrysanthemum filled his senses.

_Forever loved and missed._

The short epitaph made the Francis' heart ache. The young man bit his lip in an attempt to stop himself from crying. Despite the months that have passed since Lovino's death, he could not yet bring himself to accept the fact that his l'_amour _was gone.

However, he needed to move on with his life. He could wallow forever in his grief.

It might sound cruel but even if he stops, the world will still move.

Later that evening, Francis Bonnefoy dropped by the Vargas house. He was relieved that the patriarch of the family was out for business and it was Feliciano who greeted him. He wasn't planning to stay long; he just needed to give something, or rather return something, to the family.

"Hi Francis..."

"Hello Feliciano, how are you doing?"

"I'm... fine."

"Are you and Arthur still dating?"

"N-No. We broke up after the funeral. He said that he was going to the US and work there."

"I see." Francis curtly nodded. He was surprised that his friend, Arthur, was dating the younger brother of his lover. '_Italians really had a certain appeal,_' He quietly mused. "I'm here to return this." Francis gave an envelope to Feliciano.

"Return?"

"Yes, Lovino gave this to me some time ago," A nostalgic smile appeared on Francis' face. "I don't want to hold on it any longer that's why I'm returning it here."

Francis could see the confusion of Feliciano. It was a natural response. Nobody would return a letter after keeping it for so long.

"You, You should just keep this to yourself. We- We are moving to the Northern part of Italy by next month and Grandpa plans to sell this house along with Fratello's belongings... so, keep it Francis."

The news came as a surprise. He didn't expect that the family was moving away. He couldn't give a reply, so he just smiled and shortly said his goodbye.

"Take care of yourself Francis."

"Same to you too."

When the Frenchman was waiting at the airport to board for his flight, he reopened again the letter. He only read it once because he found the handwriting unsightly. It was messy and there were blotches of ink everywhere. It was understandable since this was an old assignment of Lovino; his younger partner needed to send a letter to someone with the contents written using a fountain pen.

_Thank God that the teacher won't read this but I need you to write me a reply bastard. This is some assignment shit that I have to do. So we are required to write a letter and the receiver of the letter must reply._

Francis smiled. Lovino always had the habit to underline words that he wanted to emphasize.

_What the fuck am I supposed to write?_

_I guess I'd like to say thank you for all. Before I continue, don't talk to about what I have written here or else I will kick you on the balls. Seriously. Also, I am not writing to Feliciano because the idiot will give maybe a 20-page reply and I don't have time to read something that long._

_Right, so yeah, thank you._

_I don't hate that you are with me._

_That's all._

_Lov-, _

_Lovino Vargas_

Before the end of the letter, there was a _lov_ which was heavily blotted at the end.

_'Maybe he was about to write, love?' _Francis quietly laughed. In a way, maybe Lovino did love him. For sure, he was in love with the other man. This is an unshakable truth.

Finally, there was an announcement that it was time for boarding. Back then, Francis replied with an _I love you_ and he received a punch because the replies were read in front of the class. Francis was thinking that Lovino wouldn't have read it but the Italian did. Francis was unbelievably very happy and the pain didn't matter at all.

When his flight left the airport, that letter was left behind on one of the terminal's benches. Lovino was definitely his SUN. However, eventually, he too would just be another star in the universe.

**END**

A/N: Thank you so much for reading this. This was originally an old draft written during times of boredom; I tweaked it a bit and this is it.


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